April 26, 2012
Marilyn Manson & Johnny Depp Cover “You’re So Vain”

This cover of the Carly Simon classic “You’re So Vain” by Marilyn Manson and Johnny Depp is a bonus track on Manson’s forthcoming, album Born Villain. Before listening to the song, I was going to write that Carly Simon killed herself just so she could roll over in her grave, but actually, the tune itself isn’t awful. It’s by no means good, but it’s also not causing Simon to go jump off a ledge.

Anyway, stranger things have existed in the pop culture lexicon, but this is still a head-scratcher. Is Manson a fan of Carly Simon? Do Manson and Depp hang out when they’re in the same area? So many questions, least of all WHO THE HELL IS THIS GODDAMN SONG ABOUT, huh, Carly Simon? Why won’t you just TELL US.

(btw, our money is on James Taylor, despite claims that it’s not)

March 16, 2012
Trailer: Tim Burton’s <em>Dark Shadows</em>

Wow, I was figuring Dark Shadows would definitely be campy, but I’m not sure how I feel about it, based on this trailer. It looks like fun and I’m hoping this echoes the campy fun of early Tim Burton as opposed to the pained and forced camp of later Tim Burton. It comes out May 11th and stars the usual Tim Burton players (Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham Carter, Michelle Pfeiffer, Chloe Moretz, Jackie Earl Haley, and Eva Green).

Anyway, for those not familiar with the original vampire soap opera, here’s the official plot: “In 1752, the Collins family sails from Liverpool, England to North America. The son, Barnabas (Johnny Depp), grows up to be a wealthy playboy in Collinsport, Maine and is the master of Collinwood Manor. He breaks the heart of a witch, Angelique Bouchard (Eva Green), who turns him into a vampire and buries him alive. In 1972, Barnabas is accidentally freed from his coffin and returns to find his once-magnificent manor in ruin. It is occupied by dysfunctional Collins descendants and other residents, all of whom have secrets.”

Chloe Moretz continues her impressive early childhood run. She’s the real standout in this trailer. [via /Film]

March 8, 2012
Heeeeeereeee’s Johnny! (Depp as Tonto)

Straight from  Jerry Bruckheimer’s Twitter feed comes the first look at Armie Hammer as the Lone Ranger and Johnny Depp as sidekick Tonto in Gore Verbinski’s feature-film adaptation. Try as I might, I really can’t top what the AV Club had to say about the photo:

When it was announced that Lone Ranger star Johnny Depp would honor his Native American heritage by playing Tonto, perhaps the Native Americans’ most hated character in all of pop culture, the first question that sprung to mind was, “What nonsensical, disparate impressions of deceased character actors, rock stars, and cartoon characters would Johnny Depp say he combined for the role—like maybe Vincent Price as filtered through Sebastian Bach and Snagglepuss?” We’ll probably have to wait for a trailer for the official reply to that, but in the meantime producer Jerry Bruckheimer has already answered the other burning question—namely, what outlandish combination of thick make-up, animal parts, and every beaded necklace he can carry will Depp emerge wearing from out of a suddenly barren costuming department.

The Lone Ranger is scheduled to be released May 31st, 2013. The pertinent question here is: what the hell is going on with Johnny Depp? He used to seem selective about the movies he made during a time when he should have been whoring himself out, now he’s whoring himself out when he can afford to be selective.

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